My Life

Lately I've been thinking about my life... I think my life goes the way I'm not
planning it to be... Mostly ruined by myself.. Like I am not the smart one but neither the naughty nor the popular one.. I am so afraid to be the center of attraction like so scared to be noticed... While, I thought ppl like that should be a nerd... But, I am not any of it... I think I'm more to Invisible.. See... Because of my cowardness I became a weirdo who is afraid to be around alot of strangers / Acquaintace, feeling insecure to be around them and because of my weirdness, I could never make the guy that I like notice me... Since I am too afraid to be notice about my ugliness and my plus size... I dun have the confidence to let ppl know that I exist.. It's like "go away ppl.. Dun stare at me that way.. just becoz I am a BIG, FAT and ugly!! Look AWAY!!" while ,maybe, they hardly notice me.. Since, who wanna see some ughly creature.. Yeah... So, no one has to be blame for my life but myself...
Honestly, Deep in my heart, I really want him.. I wanna have him next to me... being part of his life like he is already part of mine.. Not only I can't say it to him coz' it is impossible, but I can't tell anyone else either about how I feel coz' I have to realize he is so perfect that it will sound like I am a shameless human being to ever thought having a crush on a guy like him...
Oh, well... It's okay.. What to do? Miracle doesn't exist anyway... So, nothing can be done and regretting anything won't help at all...
I just have to realize also beside all the mistakes are in me... Reality is a never sweet thing...