Can I have a new one please??

Starting to feel that life is not easy..
I dunno what makes me feel this way...
If I can choose..
I would really love to ask for a new one..

I'm not asking much..
I just want a life with more happiness...
With more understanding,
With no judgment from others..
With more freedom without any burden..

Yes, I do start to feel that I have more freedom,
But, why do I feel burdened inside?
Isn't this what I've been asking for all this time?
Then, why dun I feel completely happy?

Is it just because I'm a human,
Who is never satisfied with what I've got?
Or..
Inside of me, I know, this is not 100% right..

But, who to judge what is right or wrong??
I can't think straight with my heart aching..
I don't know why I have to feel this way..
Or I refuse to know why?

Coz, I'm afraid to know the answer to it?
Afraid that it might not the answer that I want to hear..
Am I a coward or it is a normal reaction..

I'm starting to feel changes in my life...
Is it true when ppl said "It's difficult to accept changes" ??
I think it is...

I hate this...
I hate this heartache...
I hate that I have to feel burdened...
I hate that I'm easily frustrated lately...
I hate it...

I just want a simple life...
Dun want this complicated life...
I hate that I have to cry alone at night..
Without finding any answers

Coz,
Either I can't find the answes to all my question or..
I refuse to know the answers..
Both reasons suffocated me..

Please, dear heart,
Stop aching,
Please, dear brain,
Stop thinking...

Please...
Let me go..
I can't stand it...
I just can't...